Where He Is Needed
by grumpyjenn
Summary: That's where the TARDIS takes him. And when a student of history gets hold of Spoilers she really shouldn't have, he really IS needed. Set after Let's Kill Hitler, spoilers for just about everything.


Sexy threw out some sparks at the Time Lord, where he was contentedly working under her console. Ever since the House incident, he had a much better idea of how to read her, and the sparks usually meant she was trying to tell him something important. He clambered out of the repair sling, stretched, and padded up the stairs to the main control room, where he patted the console and slouched in a chair.

"What is it, Sexy? Something new to see? A hapless human to save? A planet to protect?" A screen slid down from the center pillar of the console in front of him. On it was a shot of a woman with wildly curling hair, sitting on a bed. The bed was behind bars. "Right, that's River," said the Doctor with a fond smile. That smile could have been for River or the TARDIS. Or both. "You want to go see her? Is that it?" He paused, realizing something that made him sit up straight abruptly, to get a closer look at the screen. "Old Girl, is she okay? She's so... so _still._ That's not like her at all. Right, let's go then." And he started to pull levers and turn dials.

The _vrowp vrowp_ sound of the TARDIS materializing barely impinged itself on River's consciousness. She heard it with her ears, but she simply could not summon the energy to look up, because she was so _cold_, and all she could hear with her _mind _was her own voice, repeating _I'm sorry, my love_ over and over again. So she just sat.

The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS and waved his sonic screwdriver at the security camera without looking, his attention on the woman in the cell. She was so _still_. He'd never seen her so still, as though she wasn't really there in her body at all. If there was anything River Song _was_, it was present in her body. She was like a force of nature. But right now... right now it was as though all that was there was the curly hair and the soft skin, and nothing left of _her_. This was not good. He sonicked the door and yanked it open in his haste to get to her. He knelt by the bed and took her hands in his. They were cold, much colder than usual for her, so he began to rub them gently between his own. "River?" No response. "River, can you look at me?" She continued to stare blankly through him. "River? Melody? _Professor Song_, can you even hear me?" He put his forehead gently to hers and concentrated on getting through to her. _River_?

_I'm sorry, my love_

"Okay, right, we've got to get you into the TARDIS where we can get a better look at you, see what's wrong. Can you walk? Never mind, ignore that, of course you can't; or if you can you can't tell me you can. Right, let's try to get you to your feet." He stood up and tugged gently on her hands, hoping she'd get up automatically. She did, and for a moment he thought she was snapping out of it, whatever 'it' was.

And then he caught her as she collapsed.

Behind him, the TARDIS swung her doors open and chimed her cloister bell. The Doctor scooped River up and shouldered the cell door open, then ran across the corridor to the big blue box. The doors slammed shut behind them as the Old Girl started to dematerialize... and the control room changed. A bed appeared off to one side of the console and the Doctor deposited River onto it, pulling the covers up under her chin. She was so _cold. _And he needed help... people all through time and space might call him 'Doctor' but he wasn't a _medical_ doctor. Not for humans. Or mostly humans. She was so _cold_, her eyes were unfocused, and she didn't speak or even acknowledge his presence, and all that her mind was doing was keeping her breathing and repeating _I'm sorry, my love_. His own breath was coming in gasping sobs as he tried to warm her, wake her, _anything _to make her respond, come on River, wake up, _please_!

He was dimly aware of the TARDIS landing and the doors opening and then he was gently pushed aside into - was that _Amy_? - Amy's comforting embrace. Amy was holding him and whispering into his ear that it would be okay, Rory was here, he'd figure out what was wrong with River, it would be all right, you'll see, she'll be okay. She had tears running down her cheeks, and the part of his mind that reacted as _Time Lord _rather than as _River's friend _wondered just who she was trying to convince. "Shock, of course, but atypical." Rory's voice seemed to be coming from a long way off. _Oh dear_, thought the Time Lord part of his brain, in as dry a tone as a voice in your mind could seem, _Looks like Emotional Doctor is in control of us_.

It was enough. "No, I'm all right," the Doctor muttered, and Amy let go of him, thinking he was speaking to her. "I need to help." He took a deep breath and smiled at her. "Thanks." He squeezed her hand and led her over to the bed where Rory was snapping out orders to... whom? To the _TARDIS_? And she was _following _those orders? The Doctor shook his head, bemused, as a dozen already-warm electric heating pads appeared on the sheet covering River. "Rory," he said, rather hesitantly, "Rory, I can't reach her. In her mind, I mean."

"Right," said Rory shortly, "Why d'you think the TARDIS brought her to me? First order of business, get her body stable. You and the box can work on her mind later." He turned back to his patient, and his practiced-but-unhurried motions reassured the Doctor. With Rory here she'd be all right. He shivered. At least... she'd be all right in body. The rest would be up to him and her... and _her_.

-/-/-

"Right, that's all I've got," said Rory wearily as he straightened several minutes later. "Her vital signs are all normal - for her - and there's no reason I can see for the catatonia." He looked expectantly at the Doctor sitting, tensed, his face in his hands, on the edge of the chair the TARDIS had materialized next to the bed. "Any ideas?"

The Doctor looked up, his youthful face appearing ancient for a moment before he recovered himself. "She did it to herself." His voice was very quiet. "There was something... something she experienced... and she retreated inside her own mind rather than face it. I can get her out of it with the TARDIS' help. If River will let me." He stood, slowly, and took Rory's hand, put it in Amy's, and gave them a gentle shove toward the doors of the TARDIS. "I'll call you when she's ready to see you. Off you go, Ponds!" He ignored their protests and locked the doors behind them. This would be... intimate. He needed to be alone with River and the Old Girl.

He turned back toward the woman in the bed, and the false smile drained off his face. He _hated_ this. He'd never _liked _it but after Donna... well! Mustn't think about that now. Now was the time to focus on River. He sighed and removed his tweed jacket and his shoes. He sat on the bed and bent over River. "Sexy Thing, are you ready?" He felt a wash of affectionate agreement. Good old Sexy Thing. She loved River as much as... right, well. Show time. He placed his fingertips gently on each side of River's face and rested his forehead lightly on hers. "I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry, my love. _

_River? River! Please. Please, tell me, what is it?_

_affection approval love_

_No! Dark, shadows, pain so much pain... he doesn't... he can't... I... so alone, I..._

_I'm here. I'm here, River, I promise you, I'm here. Right here, with you, you're not alone..._

_now... all times are _now._.. we love... stay with us..._

River was crying. Silent tears trickled from under her eyelashes as she wept. "I'm sorry, my love." She turned her head away from his.

"No. There's no need. I'm here. Tell me."

She did not open her eyes. "I saw it." Her voice was so quiet that he strained to hear her. "I... my field of study is _you_..." He turned her face toward his and pressed his lips against her forehead. Her eyes were still shut, tears leaking from the corners. "I've always been careful not to study the you I _know_. No spoilers." The last word came on a choking sob. She opened her eyes but still avoided his gaze. "I didn't _know_. How was I to know?" It was his turn to close his eyes, so she wouldn't see that pain and guilt that dwelt there. He pressed another kiss - so gentle a kiss - to her forehead. "Sometimes I research on site... and what better place than a planet-wide library?"

"Oh, _River_. I'm so _so_ sorry." His voice was rough. "You couldn't have known." He shifted to lie alongside her. "Tell me. What did you see?"

She sighed, and nestled her head under his chin. "Donna... I knew she was your companion at the time, and I knew what... what you had to do to save her life, later." He closed his eyes again, against this remembered pain and shame. "So I thought it was safe to see, earlier in your timeline, and the library was _there_ and so _big _and... I didn't_ try _to see spoilers, truly I didn't." Her voice was rising until it was almost frantic, hysterical. He frowned at the sound of it, held her, soothed her until she calmed enough to speak again. He stroked his hands through her hair, along her shoulders as she told him the rest of what she had seen in the Library's records. "I... I had thought I was prepared."

"Prepared for what?" His voice was gentle. He thought he knew, he thought she was speaking about her death.

"Prepared for you to not know me. But I _wasn't_. Even just seeing it in the Library's recordings, I... it broke me." She began to cry again, in deep shuddering sobs. "I thought I was stronger than this, I just can't... I couldn't face it, and I had to get _away_, stop feeling that lonely ache of you not even _knowing who I am_. So I ran away, inside my mind, and I know I can't... I have to be _there_ to save you _then_, and I... I'm sorry, so sorry. You need me, there in your past, and I was a _coward_. I ran away... I'm so sorry." She turned over, facing away from him.

"Oh, River..." He couldn't stand to see her like this. She was so... so _broken._ "River, look at me." She shook her head. "River, please. Look at me. _Please_." He put his arms around her and turned her to face him. "River Song, you are the_ least _cowardly person I've ever met. And I've met everyone." He smiled at her, although the smile was sad, and it didn't reach his eyes. "If you will allow it, I can..." He took a deep breath, hating what he was about to do. "With your consent, and with Sexy Thing's help, I... I can do for you what I did for Donna." She began to shake her head again, although there was a shade of hopeful relief in her eyes. "River, I'd only take _that _set of memories, those about the Library. I wouldn't touch anything else. Trust me?"

"To the end of the universe."

"It may yet come to that. But that would be a spoiler."

-/-/-

He watched her as she slept. He realized that she had become very dear to him, his would-be killer and wife. He'd seen it in her mind - oh, accidentally of course - her thoughts about him were so intertwined with each other that he'd seen more than intended as he carefully excised the memories about the Library. But he'd kept his promise; he hadn't changed anything else... just removed the memories from her research of that time in the Library... _those_ were too painful for her to bear. He hadn't lied to her about this; she _was _the least cowardly person he'd ever met, and she was so, so _strong_. She could bear anything - and _had _- except the reality of losing him, and that thought both humbled him and made him so proud of her. _His_ River Song.

But now the lies would begin again. They had to, for her own safety.

She sighed, opened her eyes. "Well, hello, Sweetie. What am I doing here? I thought there were bedrooms in the TARDIS." She smiled at him.

"You've been ill. I thought it better to keep you here where I could look after you."

"Don't be silly, my love, I don't get ill. But look at you... oh, Sweetie, you've been crying. Were you so worried for me?" She stretched and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him down for a kiss. "I truly am all right."

"Of course you are. The Old Girl brought me to you is all... she always brings me where I'm needed. And you needed me."

"Of course I did, my love. I always will. And how did I become ill?"

He looked at the little smile in the face which was still a bit drawn and pale, and forced himself to smile in return. "Can't say. Spoilers."


End file.
